I believe the term "Retail Therapy" means to most that a little shopping goes a long way in relieving the stresses of life. Who needs a therapist, I have Nordstroms! Well, my "Retail Therapy" is a little more like this.
What should I get my friends for Christmas, you know a little gift that says, "I love ya, thanks for being there for me." I know, a little lotion or soap from Bath & Body! I LOVE stuff like that. Yes, that was a hint. So I brave the cold, with a baby, and I went to the mall. Here after known as the *%*&@#! mall. I parked to the entrance closest to the Bath & Body, put Jimmer in his stroller and took a deep breath. After all it is December and shopping in December is the worst!
*Tangent Time* What about the celebration of the Savior means jam packed Malls, Pesky in your face sales people, rude I have the right of way drivers, and the guilt that comes if I don't get everyone the most perfect present? NOTHING!
Ok, tangent over. So anyway, I walk into Bath & Body, and as if James knew I was at my breaking point, he decided to push me over the edge. He started screaming!!! And Screaming!! Just as that happened the Bath & Body works stalkers (sales people) started following me with sprays, deals of the day, one woman even handed me a nylon shopping bag to put my purchases in, and then said, "what a cute baby!" Umm, he's screaming, that's not cute! So I asked where the holiday lotions were, and I was directed to a table I had already circled. I thought I must be blind, I didn't see any lotion. Just then another girl hovered over me and handed James a squeaky duck. He was NOT amused, and neither was I. Where had that duck been and who had touched it? I asked her about the lotions. Ahhh, the truth! No lotions! They have been sold out for a week. How about getting your friends a Wall Flower! They are on sale! What I didn't hear you, my child is screaming. I followed her to the wall of wall flowers, saw that they were plug-in air fresheners and thought to myself, "Nothing says thanks for being my friend like an air freshener. Hey, I love you, but your house reeks!" Not the semi-personal touch I was going for. Once again, she offered James the duck. The germ infested duck from retail hell.
Time to leave! I said thank you and walked as fast as I could dodging Bath & Body Stalkers, sprays, daily deals, and dawdling women standing in the already cramped isles looking for "holiday lotions". That exit that I parked so close to, wasn't close enough. I took James out of his stroller, strapped him into his car seat, and went to fold up the stroller. Oh and yes, he stopped crying! Do you remember me saying that one of the stalkers handed me a nylon shopping bag for my purchases? I didn't remember either. It was looped over the back of my stroller. I didn't return it. I will in January. Unless I gift it to one of my friends, "hey I love ya, thanks for being there for me, here is why I didn't get you anything!"
